A Pension Full of Love

Background is running how does it check?
Is he stable can we trust him?
A long shot is coming got to bet on something
Is he pumping out what we expect?

Put your money on the table I’ll show you that I’m able
By the time the dealing is done
You will have a winner a converted sinner
Absolutely there’s a faith to be found

An  unborn lady – no light in her soul
Affected by the life of her past
No crime for waiting – your time is your life
Time to put your feelings back on

Your soul is finally waking – a light is on
A new birth for your body and soul
Like the earth when it’s shaking – old and the new
All that you want is finally yours

We meet at last – we meet at last
We meet at last – we meet at last
There’s a time when we finally get
Reception, protection, affection, attention
A pension full of love for our life

Desperation Call

A Poem from the early days of TED

Given up – unplanned baby
The years have not changed me
Give me love – it’s all that I’ve wanted
From the first breath that I took

A slap on the butt – a new born baby
Your curtain call for life has begun
A push and a shove – hey that’s your cue
The drama of your life has begun

Don’t ask for favors you’ll never get one
You’ll always give more than you receive
Your every little action that you can imagine
Is fastened to your passion for love

Breaking up – That I’m familiar
Jumping ship is not new to me
Enough’s enough – I’m fighting a fire
A rescue operation in effect

A blind man’s bluff – a last ditch effort
The saving grace is only my soul
Playing tough – nothing left
My options are to stand or fall

There is no sympathy – no, not for me
No pity no reciprocity
Your only learned behavior, your one and only favor
You can savor as long as you breath

When is Sex Unimportant

When is sex unimportant?
When it may compromise a friend
When it batters down the wall of trust
When two brothers or sisters it may offend

When is carnal pleasure not conducive?
When it weakens hearts not strong
When commitment is at issue
When motives are all wrong

When is passion for bodies heat not favored?
When self love is at an all time low
When validation is at the utmost
When sublimation is your foe

When is sex unimportant?
When justification must defend
When actions are misdirected
When heartaches are on the mend

When is sex unimportant?
When two friends need nothing more
When love and acceptance need no purchase
When waves lap up the shore

When fires burn hot
Without passions early cradle
When battles have been fought
When bodies are only able

When sex is apt to risk
The beauty that's been built
I'll finally set a precedent by saying
Sex is unimportant

Tether a Soul

TED Cast Tether a Soul

One can't tether a soul
Or capture a cloud whole
A bird in flight on air lifted wings
Cannot be grounded by mans guaranties

A fleeting thought has but one opportunity
A chance to be immortality saved
It passes through you once on its endless quest
To have its desire to be written quenched

A bird in flight on air lifted wings
Cannot be grounded by mans guaranties


What flows through me with no opportune
And fails to stick and make hearts swoon
Will chance itself on the next lucky soul
Who takes time to breath in its passionate moral

A bird in flight on air lifted wings
Cannot be grounded by mans guaranties

For souls can't be tethered and clouds captured whole
But inspiration is gifted by genies let loose
Swarming throughout each one of our lives
In hopes they are shared by all who try

A bird in flight on air lifted wings
Cannot be grounded by mans guaranties

Don't tether your soul, let your genie gift to you
All that they are bringing so that you can share
More of what comes from deep inside of you
Your courage strength and hope of emotions you wear

One can't tether a soul
Or capture a cloud whole
A bird in flight on air lifted wings
Cannot be grounded by mans guaranties

Profane

TEDCast Profane

I'm a dirty old son of a bitch
I got desires you can itch
I play with fire and sometimes burn
Bridges boundaries and my arm

I may make you quite uncomfortable
I have opinions unsupportable
I alienate with language profane
And call attention with actions so vain

It's me first, me second, me all the time
When thinking of you I may as well be blind
What only matters is that I finish first
I could care less how much your soul thirsts

I look, I flirt, I stare on with lust
I act on my impulses I easily break trusts
Nobody matters when I'm on my game
I'm unstoppable like a loaded freight train

My eyes do wander and fall on hard bodies
A disease, its true, with no antibodies
Indulging in my favorite sin
Coveting what belongs to him

I could take what is offered to me
And sleep at night like a well-nurtured baby
My conscience is free from faults and fuss
My habits are brazen and language is brusque

Yes, a dirty old son of a bitch
I'll sing my own song with perfect pitch
So even with thoughts and actions profane
I'm really quite lovable and far from mundane

Licking Liquor

TED Cast of Licking Liquor

Lately I am thinking that I'm drinking way too much
I hoping that it's just a phase I'm going through
I'm betting that I'm vetting on a brand new clue
Some simple savvy insight on a suicidal life

Oh, why am I thinking both day and night?
All about drinking everything thing in sight?
If I lie awake and fight off sleep
Then I won't have drunk dreams
That lately have been haunting me

I am serious that complete changes are needed in me
If I want a life that I can be
Living in the moment, not pouring out the past
Or living in a future state of mind
Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink!

I need a new direction, I'm making a decision
I'm dancing on the wreckage of my prior life
I'm ending this relation, I'm bowing out on benders
No longer am I checking into treatment centers

I've tasted one last beer, I've thrown up one last time
No more waking up, in beds that are not mine
Who is that woman lying next to me?
Who what where and why did I do last night?

I needed a reporter to report back on me
I needed a transcription of my activities
Recollection always hazy, my madness more than crazy
Dreadful always thinking: "What'd I do last night?"

Although I may have thought I had a great time
Never could I understand my journal lines
Drunk dialing, tipsy texting, crying jags
Couldn't understand, why no one would want, to be around me
Boo ho, boo hoo, boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!

I've spent lots of money, may have turned to crime
If I continued down that line
Criminal behavior were showing their signs
I no longer visit, the liquor and wine store!


(Slow Broadway)
No more glass bottles in my trash
No more relationships that I have trashed
No more hangovers that have kicked my ass
I've licked liquor where liquor once licked me....

I've gone on my last
Yes I've gone on my last
I've gone on my last drinking spree!

It's Ok

A Song

It's ok if you want to remain friends
It's ok if you want to make amends
It's ok if you want to justify your needs
It's ok to make my heart bleed

It's ok if you want to make love to me
It's ok if you say that I meet your needs
It's ok if I sanctify your soul
It's ok if I move into your world

If you want to remain my friend
Just ask maybe we can begin
But don't show surprise if I never say please
And thank you for touching me when you're down on your knees

Cause, it's ok if bridges I do burn
And it's ok can if lessons I don't learn
For it's ok if I make love with greed
And turn elsewhere to satisfy my needs

It's ok if you run away from me
It's ok if you cannot be friends
It's ok if you want to shut the door
It's ok, it's ok if you don't want any more

It's ok if we never talk again
It's ok if we cannot mend
It's ok that we've both moved on
Loves currency has been overdrawn

Yes it is tragic that not everyone we can save
Not all relations can be conducive
But even resentments keep you close to me
It's ok, it's ok you've made my heart bleed
It's ok, it's ok you've made my heart bleed
It's ok, it's ok you took some love out of me

You Are Worthy

 TEDCast You Are Worthy

There are many things that each of us face
Seldom do we see a road that is paved
All I know is that they lead to the same place
On your way down your road don’t be afraid
Are you looking in the right place?
When you are seeking the truth
Do you look at your face?
And know what to do

Ain't Gonna Lay Down

A Spiritual Song

Ain't gonna lay down, my children
Ain't gonna lay me down
Ain't gonna lay down, my children
Ain't gonna lay me down

My poor old soul may be lonely
And my body may be achy
But I ain't gonna lay down, my children
'Til I'm good and ready

I've worked my whole life on finding
Some kind of peace of mind
Say I've worked my whole life on finding
Some kind of peace

I've worked my whole life on finding
Some kind of peace
And when I am ready
God will welcome me

Ain't gonna lay down my body
Ain't gonna lay it down
Ain't gonna lay down my body
Not til happiness I've found

Well I'm old and tired and weary beyond my means
But when I lay my head down I have pleasant dreams
Of a life beyond this one where I have no pain
And I pray for His sweet love and revel in His name


Ain't gonna lay down my body
Ain't gonna lay it down
Ain't gonna lay down my body
Not til happiness I've found


For all my  misery and pain
I'd gladly do it again
Knowing that I'm washed by his sacrifice
My sins I have no blame

And as he rose that third day
And made us believe again
Our sins are washed away by sweet rain
He washed away our pain

And has He waits on high
Omnipotently He reigns
I no longer have to lay body
Ever down again

Ain't gonna lay down my body
Ain't gonna lay me down
Ain't gonna lay down my body
Cause Jesus He saved me

Who Would Say No?

I know that most of my “Can’t say no” plans are met with resistance.
What seems So straight forward and sound to me Others fail to subscribe.
Another plan I’ll "presentate" to a  potential candidate sometime very soon.
It seems so logical -- so fool proof and so doable -- that in my head who would deny it?

But I’m anxious for reaction, to hear of their opinion, I count the hours till I can schedule a meet.
Yes, it has got some risks – always there is risk, but better still are the rewards.

But, second guessing, are the benefits meant only for me, the outcome of my plan, but sacrifices are much more required, on my part of this trade.

The positive side for my partner in this, is unconditional love, mental health and release from the past, of hurting, betrayals, abuse and denials of broken trust and victimization.

Who would say no to this well meaning plan?
Who would deny a happier life?
Who would not take this chance and not share this find?
Who would say no?  Well, they did.

Prime Time

Hello, I know you’re out there
People like me, basically good
But troubled by what they see

Does it really take courage?
To admit that you’re wrong
I think not, it’s really a cop out
So you can sleep nights

Haiku

The sun is rising

And I smile to its presence

Grateful for the warmth

Frustration abounds
Obsession and compulsion
Prisoner of self


Thoughts bring peace of mind
Moments shared over distance
Never far away

Scent of a smoke fire
Kicking fallen sidewalk leaves
Senses of autumn

Convicted beliefs
No concerns for acceptance
Liking who I am

Whether fear or love
Feelings passing through my mind
Do not define me

Even though it's dry
The rain will come again soon
Creativity

Fear paralyzes
Each resentment bleeds the heart
Just for now accept

Blooming love within
Soul gratified and complete
Resolute in joy

Airplanes and towers
Forever we remember
Memories and tears

Memory kept alive
Selfless giving sacrifice
The Gonzo Momma

Loved ones remembered
Lives that live on in our soul
Never forgotten

Embracing each day
Life constantly in motion
Courage to face change

Easy to express
Feelings that are deep within
Moments you can share

Twelve steps to freedom
Willingness to grow concede
Simple not easy

Gentle wind blowing
Sun lighting up clouds peeking
Smells of happiness


Everything changes
Sun does rise and sun does set
Everything changes

With courage comes change
Full circle of life completes
Taste new beginnings

A Little Slice of Destiny

Lay back, hold your hand low
Make a tack to catch the wind again
You’re heart beats out of time
And your mind leaps, love is blind

Pushing too hard, not wise you’ll see
You got to ease in, I reason
To enable the trust, does slowly
Come respect a priority must

Desires not Necessities

Desire addiction adherence clutching
What changes what rearranges what passes through light
Denial denouncement a dowry on your soul
Reproach adjustment enlightenment law
Lacking a foundry tasting a torrid emotional pull

Validity accrued claiming to be shrewd
Build on my foundation with your brick and mortar
Lift up my walls and nail my timber
Find me a coat when I'm cold and I shiver

Substitute Sister

A long time gone but not forgotten
Are you still living somewhere?
A face hardly remembered but still in my memory
Where are the all pictures?

Even though you have left you linger in me
Even though you aren't here you're in my family tree

Even though you were older I wanted to protect
And be that bigger brother and garner your respect

And stop the bullies from bothering you
And kick the ass of boys who tried more than kissing you

And tell you stories about love and about life
And tell you what I hope for when you become a wife

So, where do we go from here?
Will I see you at graduation?
Are we going to go to each others weddings?
Are you going to stay in my life as a sister when you become a wife?

I miss having Debbie
But I'm glad I have you
For God brings only to us
What we can endure

And with that simple phrase
And a blessing of grace
I now have a sister
But with a new face

Let's keep in touch
And keep our pretend family intact
For I don't want to miss your life
And that is, from my heart, a fact

All Things Change

Across the valley the mountains arise
Miles in distance but near in my eyes
One foot forward, one step closer
Nearer my God am I, nearer to who am I

Faced at the base of the mountain
An inevitable climb
Dangers and turning points
Decisions, potential mistakes, scrapes
But we do what it takes, we ascend

Breath getting weaker as the air gets thinner
Legs aching as upward we move
Heart beating harder as the chest constricts
Blood flowing boldly as addictions are kicked

Nearer to the top
As attitude altitude adjusts
Strength and fortitude become one
Into our self we begin to entrus

From the peak we admire the view
Of magnificent valleys and lakes so blue
Represented by nature is our life in the raw
Without the signage and banners and flaws

So clean and serene a peaceful place we have found
On a plateau of commitment and of growth
Satisfied that we have finally reached the crest
Until our eyes see catch sight of the next mountain top

For our journey is not one that ever sees end
Unless you consider stasis as your friend
For we constantly strive and value verity
And take the next challenge with gusto and clarity

Angry Man

I pack my baggage and I’m breaking my shell
Acting like a savage I’ve been to hell
Burned all the bridges the last one fell
Got no prisoners in my jail cell

Last one in sight is the first to get beat
You got no rights when you’re out on the street
You walk out now and you lose your seat
Stand up now on your own two feet

I’m sipping Johnnie Walker and my blood is hot
Silence first and then a gun shot
Running through the system of a modern man
Don’t look now there’s a gun in my hand

If you see me coming you better back away
You don’t want me to choose your fate
One more straw on the camel’s back
One wrong look and I’ll attack

Leave Kathleen

My heart is on fire
Cause I burn with desire
A hit and a miss
But one special kiss

For love that is lost
Like dust that is tossed
Into the wind
Never seen again

Like clouds in a storm
In the cold and feeling warm
Like the sun in the sky
Bringing life to what would die

And knowledge is my power
Like a warm summer shower
That I’m happy to have known
Knowing you my heart has grown

We started as friends
Why couldn’t it be more – I guess it was not meant to be
But I’ll always say this
As your love I will miss
The face of a dream – Kathleen, Kathleen

Old and Untitled

What to say? I feel we are growing apart.  Yes I still believe you and I are meant to be together but currently we are better off apart
What used to be therapeutic and fertile to grow now seems resentful and critical

There with the thick hair
He talks while I stare
I like what she wears
Do you think that she shares?

You smile and show your teeth
Knowing what I need
We dance and I lead
Rhythm and timing

Enter the climax
Slowly, not too fast
Looking, like through glass
The fields of your past

A Daughter, a Mother, a Wife

A smile that warms as sun on your back
Touching even deeper than skin
Brighter, wider, and more pronounced
By a baby, her daughter, a precious gem

Her life, a dedication, a decision, a commitment
To family, to love, to passions, to people
Giving more of herself that she asked in return
Tears won't extinguish the fires that burned

Her life cut short as innocent she died
Leaving a baby and husband behind
A family who loves her and misses her dear
Her memory kept alive by people who care

Neilie Anne Heffernan Casey
Thirty two years too few
So much life and opportunity now wasted
Nothing our forefathers could have foretold

Freedom reigns even when our soil has been torn
When innocent victims like Neilie are, by a nation, mourned
War is part of life and soldiers often die
But what was the battle that Neilie did fight?

A citizen, a lover of these United States
A giver of time and energy, one of her traits
Easily described as loving and self-less
Lost now to all who were loved and were touched

Our nations' symbol, twins grown up
Ended that day as we watched them collapse
I remember staring as though transfixed - how many?
Two thousand nine hundred ninety six

People who are blameless now gone
Off to their next heavenly home
Though harmless, innocent, guiltless as lambs
They were sacrificed by terrible hands

A woman remaining in only our souls
Replacements will never fill the hole
Tragic terrible sad situations of life
Gone, a daughter, a mother, a wife

Missing Link

Look in my eyes, when you look in my eyes
Woman I can’t see

Asking me why, when you’re asking me why
I don’t know what you want to hear

Pleasure you seek, when it’s pleasure you seek
Honesty has left you so you lie

Wanting a kid, when you wanted a kid
Your only thought was “give it to me”

Pray now, you lost somehow, it’s the last of me
Now I’m the missing link, forever a fink
And me you will never know

Hey now, do you feel proud?  I would like to know
And can you hold your head high, and not ever cry
And is there someone you ought to know?

Telling you things, burning inside
Open your heart up wide

Climb right on in, we’ll begin again
Take me for a ride

The reasons aren’t clear – clouded with fear
That’s why I shied
From you at the start, couldn’t play the part
Can you forgive me cause now I’m here

Borrowed Again

Catcher’s in the Rye
And I don’t know why
It’s selling me an easy high

A picture of a fool
Hasn’t heard the Golden Rule
That kind of logic he don’t buy

Find shelter as a crook
All your possessions you have took
From some deserving guy

It’s a pity you can’t see
That all you can be
Revolve around one big lie

Have shelter in our arms
And whom the strength needs give
A lift up to bring our sowed seed

If an old man can take on the sea
The forces of nature can be
Harnessed for your own desire

But the lazy man tries
To catch a free ride
He’s nowhere at high tide

Pushed back again
Better learn to swim
It’s a hopeless end
Beggar Man Borrowed Again

A Sense for the Season

When the sun’s gone down on your day
Failing support he drifts away
And with the last ray, hope is absent gone away
Can you’re left alone never to play

Surrounding yourself and playing the part
Isn’t it easy to pretend?
But with each new win you’re beginning again
And the road don’t ever seem to hard

In the rain sometimes, though it’s hard to describe
I feel a cleansing action, it washes my soul
Leaves me whole and ready to face the world

Where is the rain?  Will it come back again?
And all I feel is pain; it’s a shame and I’m asking
Where is the rain?

I have a sense for the season
Rain or shine I can feel so fine
I don’t claim to know the reason
The sun goes down in every town everywhere
But it sure does feel like I could use some rain

The Strong Can Be

I’ve been walking for a hundred days
Seen fire in the sky and people die
Got a hunger and an awful thirst
When the hot wind blows it takes its toll on me

I hear the distant howls when the coyotes prowl
Searching for their daily meat
I scarcely breath I scarcely breath
I wonder if they are searching for me
Only the strong will survive, the strong will survive

I’ve been looking for the secret of life
I’ve prayed on my knees and turned over leaves
I’ve been the early bird waiting for the worm
Early to bed, early to rise; healthy, wealthy, and wise

I’ve been the prodigal son, my body I’ve sold
Looking for an easy ride, I’ve easily lied, easily lied
I wonder what will happen to me
At the end of my life, at the end of my life

I’ve been looking for someone to commit
They either run away or play their games
I’ve got a need and a loving way
A desire for touch I could never have too much

I’m patient but I’m anxious and warm
There’s a fire inside I can’t deny
Consuming all my energies
I’m begging God please, begging God please
Put an end to this misery
I give you my life, give you my life

I’ve been lost for the last few days
I’ve doubted my mind, I’ve fallen behind
I’ve tried to make a great escape
Fallen to vices risks and high prices

I’ve only made my insides bleed
I’ve started old habits – HEY! Do you have it?
Can you get me what I need
Do I know what I need, do I know what I need?
I wonder what will make me complete
The strong can be, only the strong can be

Are you in the sky

TED Cast Are You in the Sky

I look upwards and I see light
Round orb fused into sky
Beauty light flashing strong
Fired in the kiln of heaven

The man on the moon wasn't lonely tonight
For all around him was a beautiful sight
You might say a face in the sky
For all to enjoy and to abide by

Burnished in beauty is the sky's backdrop
As moonlight moonlights as the artists' brush
Painting a feeling that presents as art
Emotes as tangibly as words

Stars that look out like eyes full of life
Look upon me with endless supply
Love glimmers twinkles and draws me high
Up towards the beauty that is in the sky

A Time to Speak

The sun also rises – someone wrote
Relieving the moon of its nightly watch

The stars go home, the clouds appear
Gone, with the darkness, are the fears

The colors of the sky gray, blue, and white
Paint the backdrop for the set, the curtains soon will rise

And there at center stage, bathed in the light of the sun
Is each and every person, the show is soon begun

All the world’s a stage – they say
And our dramas are uniquely individual

The lines have been rehearsed, intent and action too
Patiently awaiting and listening for our cue

The feelings we have inside are not ones to hide
Communicate expressively, we all must give a try

And now your time to speak, to be listened and be heard
A captive audience will hang on every word

Dawns Report

As the hours go by and my resolution becomes more clear I wait for the opportunity to speak and have you hear. I talked this over and over and over for hours on end by myself consulted no friends.  I’ll try to be concise presenting my opinions keeping emotions in check.  Rationale and logic thought are two things you have taught me.  I’ll try to be a proper pupil and remember my lessons.

Just hear me out and discuss with me the points that I’ll be making and what they mean to you
Yes there is room for compromise I’ll have an open mind on some things but not others
Because it’s crucial that this plan is undertook with some minor revisions of course,
If my heart is to continue in its growth with you.  If it’s not to be I’ll release my hold on these ties that join our lives.  I can’t walk away without trying because I’d be denying that if it’s worth having then it’s worth fighting for and I would be a liar.  So soon I’ll be attempting to salvage what I believe is a life full of beauty, of fulfillment and of peace.

Two Halves Make Up the Whole

I know this girl, she’s seen too much of the world
Had her faith betrayed by friends who rape
Made it easier just to give than have them take

But now a simple touch – not lust but love
Cannot even be accepted
For they took from her so she gave
All the touch with loveless sex nothing left but emptiness

And now that the time has come
To share the praise of love
She builds a wall around her body tall
Damn the man who had to force instead of face
Rejection of the answer that was “no”

I’m left to pick up the pieces
Of the puzzle back to neatness
Attempting to attach the body to the soul
I know it won’t be easy but the rewards will be pleasing

And finally make the two halves a whole
Are you willing – conditions must be met
For love fulfilling – do you think you are ready yet
To start the healing, reach the ceiling, remove yourself from debt

Two halves make up a whole
Two people share a soul
I’ll gladly pay the toll
To share a common goal